Never Ask A Flight Attendant THESE 6 Questions
Welcome back, everybody!
This week I’m coming in hot with some more need-to-know flight attendant info. Namely, the things you should never ask a flight attendant.
There are questions that every flight attendant hates answering. We may answer with a smile, but on the inside we are dying a little every time one of these six questions is asked. I’m here to help YOU interact better with flight attendants and to save US the pain of regurgitating the same tired answers to the same tired questions. Win-Win!
I recently ended my long streak of solitude and have entered the wild world of dating, again. (Yeeee-haw!) Since questions and answers are the crux of a first date, I’ve been thinking a lot about them.
Dating as a flight attendant can be… interesting. There is a difficult schedule to contend with, delays ruining your plans, and the seemingly endless questions about flight attendant life. It can be exhausting. It can feel like you’d rather talk about anything else. It can feel like work, talking about work. And it’s not just dating—It’s at parties. It’s in the airport. It’s on the airplane. It’s family, and neighbors, and friends of friends. As a flight attendant, you are constantly being asked questions about your job.
In a way, this is inevitable: If you’re not in the industry, you probably don’t know how it all works. We only know what we know, and finding out about someone’s life is an important part of showing you care. But there is a way to do it that doesn’t make us want to shut ourselves behind a locked hotel room door and never socialize again. So let’s try that.
The following six questions are ones you should never ask a flight attendant, whether because they’re too vague or overly personal. This post is not just advice for dating flight attendants, it’s also a guide of what not to ask when you meet a flight attendant at a bar or a party, what not to ask while you’re standing in the back galley, stretching your legs. We love your curiosity, and sometimes we love gushing about our job. But these particular questions are pretty played out. Some of them should be avoided, and for some I’ve given an alternative, better question.
Buckle up, buttercup, here we go.
“So do you, like, love it?”
6 Questions To Never Ask a Flight Attendant
1. “What’s your favorite place you’ve been to?”
This question has many forms including “What is your favorite place to visit?” “What’s your favorite place you’ve traveled” and “Where is your favorite place to go?”
And each version of this questions is terrible.
Most flight attendants are travelers. We go to a LOT of places. Each one of them is unique and special in its own way. Comparing a tropical beach destination to a bustling city is apples to oranges. How can you compare seeing the Northern lights in Iceland and going on safari in Madagascar? Standing atop the Eiffel Tower or on a glacier-covered mountain peak? Your favorite group trip vs. your favorite solo adventure? How are we rating places, anyway? On their climate? Cuisine? Things to do? Ease of getting there? (A big one for flight attendants!) As you can see, choosing favorites is hard.
My second gripe is that people will ask this very general question in reference to being a flight attendant, so I don’t know if they are asking about where I have enjoyed traveling in my personal time or where is the best place I’ve visited at work. The answers to these two questions are completely different. Be specific, man.
Try this instead:
If you want to ask us about travel, go for it! Here are some better questions to get us talking.
“What’s a place you traveled to that you loved?”
“Where is the last place you traveled?”
“What is the last trip you took? Did you love it?”
“Where do you like to layover when you’re at work?”
Another day, another favorite place.
2. “What’s your route?”
That’s just not how this works. Letter carriers have routes. Newspaper deliveries have routes. Flight attendants do not have one assigned “route” that they work all the time.
Try this instead:
“What flights do you like to work?”
Or
“So, where are you flying to next?”
Route? B*tch, we're everywhere!
3. “So, how does your schedule work?”
This is a perfectly acceptable question to ask somebody, but keep in mind answering it can be exhausting. If you’re in a dating situation, maybe wait until the second date to ask. I will tell you that answering the same six questions about my job, giving alllllll the ins and outs of working in aviation gets really old really quickly. It also makes every date feel the same. It makes it hard for you to stand out as a potential partner, and it makes me feel like I’m a robot saying the same shit I always say. Woof.
If you’re a passenger on a flight and just feel like chatting with a flight attendant, you should also avoid this question. I guarantee no one wants to answer it. Also, please ensure we look open to chit-chatting. Body language is a great indicator of how down we are for small talk.
Try this instead.
Here are some options to ask on a date. They’re more specific and easier for us to answer, without going into a whole tutorial on bidding, seniority, and trade windows.
“How many days off do you typically have in a month?”
“Do you like working turns (single day trips) or multi-day trips?”
“When are your next days off? (And can I take you out again?)” 😉
Here are some questions that are less annoying and could start a nice conversation with a flight attendant on the plane.
“How’s your day going so far?”
“Do you get to stay in *City name*?”
“Do you have plans when you get there? Do you want recommendations?” (Then give us your best recs for eating, drinking, and hanging out in the place.)
I'm smiling, but I'm dying inside.
4. “Any tips on how to get cheap flights?”
Also, “When is the best time to book a flight?”
Flight attendants are the literal LAST people you should ask about buying tickets. I haven’t purchased a full fare plane ticket in ten years, so I’m clueless when it comes to scoring a good deal. Google is a much better resource for this.
Some websites let you set up fare alerts so you’ll know when the prices drop. And there are a million travel bloggers that specialize in getting cheap plane tickets. Unfortunately I’m just a baby and know nothing.
Try this instead:
If you want to get a conversation about travel going, we are so game for it! But instead of focusing on the logistics like ticket price, ask us instead if we have been to the place you are planning to go. Ask us if we have recommendations for must-see things. Or tell us about a place that you’ve been before and loved. We will take recommendations!
If you want to ask us about plane tickets, here’s what we know:
-Direct flights are always better. (And if you can’t go direct, plan for HOURS in between flights.)
-The morning flight is always better.
-Book extra leg room if it is important to you. An aisle or window, if they are important to you. A checked back, if it is important to you. (The way to feel satisfied with your flying experience is to think of your needs in advance!)
Also, you can feel free to ask some light-hearted plane questions:
“Are you a window or an aisle person?”
“What’s the longest flight you’ve ever taken?”
“How do you feel about the recline/no recline debate?” (Every flight attendant will have the same answer– you’re allowed to recline your seat. But it can still be a fun thing to ask and see if you get a spicy response.)
We might be cute, but we have NO idea what airplane tickets cost.
5. “Can I have a buddy pass?”
If they are not your spouse, partner, best friend, or immediate family member, do not ask a flight attendant for buddy passes. If you’re on a first date and want to make a good impression, this is the exact opposite of that. And if you are entering someone’s DMs to ask for buddy passes, meaning you don’t speak to them via their cell phone, then take your thumbs and delete that message. It ain’t happening.
One of the best things about working as a flight attendant is being able to help our friends and family with cheap or free flights. It feels awesome when one of my besties non-revs and actually makes it on the flight. But this is something reserved for close friends, and I’ll tell you why.
For one thing, standby travel is not for the faint of heart. If you are not a *very* flexible, easy going person, you will be full of anxiety wondering if you’ll make it on the flight. Your anxiety will bleed over and become your flight attendant friend’s anxiety when you start texting them to ask questions the day of. If you don’t make it on the flight, the flight attendant will have to tell you what to do next. It can be a huge hassle for you and us.
The next thing is our buddy passes are attached to our names. If you act poorly on an airplane when flying on a buddy pass, it reflects on the person who gave you the pass. Flight attendants have had their travel benefits taken away because of a buddy pass acting inappropriately on a flight. No one wants to risk their job just so that you can have a cheap flight. Unless you’re our close friend, just don’t ask for this.
Try this instead:
Buy a ticket.
Oh, you want to fly for free? Have you thought of becoming a flight attendant?
6. “Are you part of the Mile High Club?”
Cringe, cringe, cringe.
If we aren’t friends, don’t ask me about sexual encounters in the air. Or anywhere, for that matter.
If you want to ask if we’ve ever caught anyone trying to screw in an airplane bathroom, this is an acceptable curiosity. Ask away. But don’t ask about our personal lives unless you know us like that. We’re not all sky hoes.
Wanting to slap you, but resisting: An art form.
BONUS: “So, What did you do before this?”
Flight attendants and especially pilots—can we please stop asking each other “So, what did you do before this?”
We’re adults, I’m sure we all did lots of things before this. If it comes up naturally in conversation, if you are genuinely interested in the person, if there is a connection being made, then sure, ask away. If you are just trying to fill the silence with small talk, kindly look at your phone and scroll instead. This can be SUCH an annoying question.
Another day, another stupid question.
And there you have it folks, the six questions you should never ask a flight attendant (until you really know them.) This list is written in the spirit of fun and brutal honesty. It is SO annoying to answer this stuff over and over, but if you are trying to get to know a flight attendant you will need to know the answers to some of these questions eventually. I’m not suggesting you never ask us anything, just that you be mindful of what you ask us. Steer clear of softball essay questions, anything super vague, or anything too personal. If you are courting, woo-ing, or just chatting with a flight attendant, consider this post your leg up on the competition. Follow these tips and the next flight attendant you talk to will think you’re a better conversationalist and will be far less likely to roll their eyes when you walk away. It’s a win for all of us, really.
If you guys ever have questions about flight attendant life that you want answered, check out some of these posts below. They give a good overview of the job and lifestyle. If you have other questions that are not already addressed here on the site, then leave them in the comments or DM me to ask! I’ll answer you directly, or maybe write a post about it in the future. I would be honored and humbled to be your go-to source for flight attendant info. (And the ones you’re talking to IRL will be glad, too 😉) To get all the flight attendant info and stay on top of the latest gossip, be sure to subscribe. You’ll get new posts in your inbox every two weeks—barely a commitment at all! And if you like what I’m doing here, you can now buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/awheelinthesky. A gift is never expected and always so appreciated.
That’s it for today. I hope you all have an awesome weekend, with or without your favorite flight attendant.
Here is some more flight attendant content, if you’re looking for a peek behind the curtain. It includes how to *actually* fly for free, misconceptions about our lifestyle, my craziest flight attendant story, and even some tips for dating us (if you dare.) Hope you enjoy, and if it’s your first time here, WELCOME! Click through and stay a while. <3
Rae
I will add (usually coming from a customer mid flight,) “Where do they put you up here?”
I genuinely think people are just innocently curious, but the reality is it’s a safety issue for me to tell you where flight attendants stay on layovers.
And while we’re at it, “so does the company pay for your hotel?” This one is hard for me. What company sends their employees on an overnight business trip and then makes them pay for their hotel??
Toni
Yes absolutely. I was working with someone one time and overheard them telling a customer which hotel we were staying in. (IT was a man, obviously.) I had to talk to him in the back galley afterward and let him know it’s not safe for him to do that and please CUT IT OUT!
Meagaan
Nailed it, as always!
Toni
Thanks Meag 🙂
Adrian lopez zapien
Why should it be interesting to ask work-related questions outside of work to someone you’re getting to know? It might be interesting that a person chooses to be a flight attendant, but that conversation could develop if the person is willing. Perhaps cultural differences make one feel either uninterested or interested in knowing more, or a lack of knowledge or empathy might hinder the ability to establish a prosperous and engaging communication.