Between the vaccine rollout and the weather warming up, I think we are all ready for some Summer lovin’. Married people: Buzz off, this one’s not for you.
Some of you may be intrigued by the prospect of dating a flight attendant. And some of you (who have met me) may find the idea appalling. To each their own. But if you’ve got your eye on making that sexy stew yours, there are some things you should know. I’ve compiled a very scientific, official list: The Dos and Don’ts of dating a flight attendant. Read on to find out how to make him or her yours—and importantly, how to keep them!
Dos and Don’ts of Dating a Flight Attendant
DON’T expect us to be on time.
Even the most punctual flight attendant will fall victim to plan-wrecking snafus. A tarmac delay in JFK, thunderstorms in Orlando, staffing issues, an unexpected drug test, a missed commute. In the world of air travel, plans are ALWAYS tentative. Know this going in to keep from being upset when your new flight attendant partner calls to tell you the dinner reservation will need to be pushed back or “Sorry, it looks like I’ll see you tomorrow instead.”
This comes with the territory. If you are inflexible or get upset with us for being late or missing events, know it probably isn’t going to last. Communicate your disappointment to us without placing blame. Remember, we are bummed to miss all you can eat sushi night, too.
DO expect adventure!
We live a wild lifestyle that is unlike what most people can wrap their heads around. You’re going where? For how long? That’s it? Aren’t you tired? How do you do it?
But for us, we LOVE this weird, crazy, life. We tend to be adventurous. Flexible and spontaneous. We love travel. We tend to be independent (we do spend half our lives anonymous, sleeping alone in hotel rooms, after all.) We carry our own bags. We are not afraid to do things alone, last minute, and without a solid plan. This is just the way we have adapted to our lifestyle. And if you partner up with one of us, you can expect to get in on the action.
A flight attendant’s second base is asking you to go on a trip. We want to see how you behave on a plane, how you handle the uncertainty of flying standby, of delays, of plans altered at the last minute. And if you pass all our little tests, adventure awaits! Let’s fly to Paris for the weekend! Come on my 50-hour Seattle layover so we can hike together. Let’s get a house in Spain for next month. I’ll take off from work and you can work remote. There is NO limit to the wild ideas that might be proposed by your flight attendant partner. You should take us up on some of them! Inviting you to adventure is truly an act of affection on our part. We want to bring you in to our world and show you around. If you’re a big planner or Type A, just try to trust us—everything will be fine. And buckle up for some seriously good times.
Adventure awaits when you date a flight attendant.
DON’T fetishize our profession.
Once you’re in a relationship with someone, you two (or more) can decide how you want to behave toward one another. But in the beginning of trying to date and get to know a flight attendant, save us the annoyance of dealing with degrading clichés. Specifically, when going on a first date with a flight attendant:
Do not ask a flight attendant about the mile high club.
Do not ask him or her if they have become a member.
Do not ask to see us in uniform.
Do NOT ask us to wear it in the bedroom.
We are professionals—and not in the porn industry. If we want to get into some aviation-themed fantasy with you someday, we’ll let you know. Once a flight attendant has decided they like you and wants to share their body and intimacy, feel free to ask about those wing-wearing fantasies. But you bringing up the mile high club on a first date only shows that you see your date as an intriguing sex object and not as a human and potential partner. It’s a hard no for me.
DO be up for whatever. Whenever.
We work weird schedules. We’re gone for days at a time. If you are dating a flight attendant, you may want to get it while the getting’s good. Late night, early morning, afternoon delight. Before a flight, after a flight. There’s no telling when your flight attendant lover may want to get frisky, but when they beckon, you should be ready to answer the call. If you miss this window, you’ll be on your own until the winds bring them back. Also, maybe work on your phone sex game. Hotel living and long distance can be rough.
If we want to get into some aviation-themed fantasy
we’ll let you know.
DON’T expect us to do all the heavy lifting.
A common pitfall that flight attendants complain about is being the one who is always going out of their way for their partner. We work everywhere, can live anywhere, and so we can date anywhere. Due to the nature of our job, many of us end up in long-distance relationships. We are lucky to have the flexibility to make this work far more easily than “regular”, location-bound people. Where a trip to the airport for you might be a hassle and hundreds of dollars, hopping a free flight to see you is nothing to us. We will likely offer more of our time traveling to see you and are willing to make minor changes to our schedules to make it work.
But if we feel we are the ones who are always traveling or always expected to amend our schedules, we will become resentful. No one likes to feel like they are doing all the work in a relationship. And even though it may be easier for us to travel to you, it still is not always that easy. Flights might be full. Being on the road constantly takes its toll. Living out of a suitcase can begin to feel burdensome. Offer to be the one to travel once in a while, change your schedule, or give us an out (guilt-free) from a visit or event. Your willingness to meet us halfway will go a long way—even if we don’t take you up on the offer.
DO expect us to flex some flexibility (later).
We just went over the DON’T of expecting us to travel and change our plans all the time. Especially in the beginning of a relationship. However, once you have locked one another down and established a committed relationship, it IS reasonable to expect some flexibility and effort from your flight attendant partner. With the caveat that seniority at our job dictates our days off, trips worked, and overall quality of life, the flexibility inherent in our job is one of the MAJOR perks.
If your flight attendant lover is never willing to drop a trip or bid days off for you, it could be a red flag. Sometimes it is just impossible. We are too junior to hold a day off, our airline is short staffed on holidays, or this trip is the only week we can work in an otherwise busy month of personal commitments—all of these obstacles are valid. But if it seems to be constant and consistent that your committed partner can’t commit their time to you, don’t let us off the hook just because of our job. We need flexibility and understanding from you, but you deserve earnest effort too.
DON’T Assume we are Sky Hoes.
There is a certain stereotype that comes along with being a single flight attendant, male or female. We are players, sky hoes, we have a different lover in every city—hoes in different area codes, in the eloquent words of Ludacris. Can this be true? Sure. The nature of our job makes it entirely plausible, and even easy, to have multiple partners in different places. A San DiegHo. A ChicagHo. A Puerto RicHo. Having friends, acquaintances, and whatever else in different places can be a lot of fun. But most of us want the same thing everybody does—a deep, honest, loving connection with another person.
Monogamy and commitment are not for everybody, but it is the default for most people, including weirdo flight attendants. Do not assume that we can’t be trusted. That we are cheaters or “players”. We are not more promiscuous than the general population. We are not more likely to want an open relationship. Please don’t feed into these tired stereotypes. If you can’t trust us because of our profession, that is going to be a You problem. One that you can sort out elsewhere, on your own.
DO Pat yourself on the back if you’ve landed one of us.
Because we are constantly on the go, meeting new people in new places, the dating pool in which we are able to operate is considerably larger than most people’s. I’m not required to choose a partner based on where they live. Of course Normals can do long-distance too, but because of our work perks and ease of movement, dating a flight attendant from afar often doesn’t feel like long distance. Our love-match options are numerous and widespread. If we have chosen you above the rest, you should take it as a SERIOUS compliment! Pat yourself on the back, you must really be something.
DON’T expect us to be “on” all the time at home.
Working with the public can be exhausting. Traveling through time zones and changing up your sleep schedule can do a number on one’s energy levels. Sometimes when we get home from a trip we just need to chill in our own space, not talking to people, not offering assistance, not socializing. Not smiling. Hurt feelings can arise if you are bored at work all week and expect your Flight Attendant lover to be gung-ho to go out when they arrive home from a trip. Sometimes we will be happy to make a quick change and hit the town with you and friends. Other times, we just want to put on our old sweatpants—with the coffee stain and the hole in the leg—pour a glass of something, and drown ourselves in pizza and Netflix. Try not to feel neglected. We like you, but we’ve been entertaining and helping people for days. In our customer service voices, no less.
Also, Don’t be surprised if we need a nap. Adult naps are a common thread for flight attendants. And while you might not get it, just respect that we need it.
DO learn our language.
Just like for multilingual couples, there will be a learning curve and a need to learn one another’s language. I don’t know shit about software engineering, so if I find myself dating one, I’ll have plenty to learn. For you, getting to know terms like “bid”, “commute”, “non-rev”, “RON”, “FAM”, and perhaps most importantly in my world “Flica”, will help us to communicate. We can schedule events more easily and coordinate plans if you know what the heck I’m talking about when I’m spewing industry terms.
Don’t worry, we will explain to you what they mean in the beginning. But then, try to catch on. Asking about an aviation term you don’t understand is a big DO!
Sometimes this is a flight attendant's big weekend plans.
DO Take the leap.
There is a rumor that dating someone with a varied, traveling schedule is too difficult. It can absolutely be hard, but it does not have to be that hard. If two people are willing to follow my above DOs and DON’Ts, coordinate schedules, give and take, temper expectations, and have mutual respect for one another’s needs, then it can certainly work out. Just like any other relationship. And it can also be well worth it. Study the list, ask them out, thank me later.
DON’T take my word for gospel.
Take this all with a grain of salt. I’m just one toxically independent, commitment-phobic, mind-changing, fun-seeking, affection-loving individual in a sea of different personalities. Some of my DON’Ts are solid Dos for other flight attendants, and if you’re studying up on how to date a flight attendant, I should not be the only resource. Finding out your partner’s individual needs from the source is always a winning strategy and a definite DO.
I hope this list helps to clarify some things and make more people aware of the joys and pitfalls that can come with dating a flight attendant. Do your best to follow along, be a decent human, and I’m sure this hypothetical relationship can be healthy, happy and an absolute blast.
Fellow FAs: Is there something I missed? What are your biggest Dos and Don’ts? Normals: Did any of this surprise you? Are you scarred from dating an FA in the past? Let us know in the comments! To all the singles out there: Best of luck in your dating endeavors. (Feel free to send me updates for vicarious living.)
Hope everyone has a kick-ass, love-filled weekend.